Many of you know that recently the theatre department has gone on strike in response to the placement of a person with a known history of sexual harassment in a role that requires intimacy with other actors, and the terrible way that this situation has been and is being handled. Willamette has released statements that give no actual information on anything to explain why two of the productions have randomly ceased existing, but in their most recent statement they claimed to have no knowledge of a theatre department at Willamette: “We would like to remind the student body that there is no problem in the theatre department because we have never had a theatre department.” When asked for details, Ruth Feingold, PhD, had the following to say: “I mean, nobody has ever actually acted before. It’s not a thing in any culture. It’s simply never been done. Theatre is just an imaginary thing people write about.” Since the decision that theatre doesn’t exist, the department’s funding has been made a part of the executive salary. “It just makes sense” said Stephen Thorsett at press time.