Salty bootlickers destroy copies of the Nutria Report

            It has been confirmed that our publications are being destroyed by salty bootlickers. “We’re afraid that after one week of publication we’re already up against an enemy who has no idea how to take a joke,” said Head Manager and Rightful Nutria Sovereign Orangetooth Carrot-Eater. When asked for further comment, Carrot-Eater was found occupied being fed carrots by a random stranger.

            Unfortunately, we have no leads as to who has been destroying our publications. We asked our Public Relations Manager, Albert Skrungus, if anyone had reached out to him with complaints about our publications, but he informed us that the only complaint that has been received so far was simply somebody pointing out an important error in the background of an article, and nobody getting mad with us for our publications. “I guess that means we’re up against a bunch of cowards,” commented Skrungus. “It would be great for the person destroying our publications to at least say why they’re against free speech, but obviously they’re too afraid to.”

            When asked how the destruction of our publications affected the printing process, our Print Director Elizabeth Lowtoner had the following to say: “Paper is cheap. Staples are cheap. The printing team has plenty of time on their hands to put together these pamphlets. Therefore, when people destroy the publications, they just waste paper and a little bit of our time. Hopefully they’re at least recycling them; if you’re going to be a coward against free speech, you should at least do so sustainably.”

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