“What the fuck is this white shit?”

Students and faculty received a frantic phone call from the Willamette Emergency Alert System on the 27th. The familiar robotic voice that sends out a test at the start of every month sent out the following message to all members of the Willamette Community:

“This is the Will-Am-It Emergency Alert System. What the fuck is this white shit? Like seriously. This is fucked up. How am I supposed to walk in this? Nowhere in the world ever gets this. Oh Jesus. Oh this is bad. We had better close the school until further notice. A whole half inch! Jesus Christ. Truly, we are all doomed.”

The robotic voice’s panic over the marginal amount of snow that melted later on in the day only sparked a slight cancellation, all classes before 10:00 being cancelled and all non-essential staff being asked not to come until that time.

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