“The points were inside of us the whole time!”

            Director of Intercollegiate Atheltics Rob Passage made and important realization earlier this week. “For years our teams have (arguably) been striving to score the most points possible, but only now have I just realized: the points were inside of us the whole time! It’s not about how many points were scored out there in the field, but how many points were scored” (Passage made a cheesy motion toward his heart with both hands at this moment) “in here.”

            Passage announced that, from this point forward, points scored by Willamette in the teams’ matches would no longer be kept track of. It has been noted that due to the quality of our teams, this has made little to no impact on the way that the games have played out.

            We asked Isaac Parker, Head Coach of the Willamette Football Team, what this meant for his team going forward. Parker had the following insightful comments to give: “our boys. Best boys. Throw far. Yes. Winning the points. Brotherhood. Honor. Sportsmanship in these boys. Good boys. Our boys,” before unhinging his jaw and letting all the bees poor out of him.

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