The same set of stairs that President Donald Trump declared a national emergency over when tripping over them two weeks ago have tripped up the Tangerine Dream once again. Immediately after tripping on the stairs, Trump did what any reasonable person would do in this situation: pull up Twitter and tweet angrily and in all caps that he was being harassed.
At press time, Trump was found cradled in the arms of Vice President Mike Pence, quietly but strongly sobbing. “It’s just not fair,” complained Trump, “Nancy Pelosi is being a big meanie head and now she made the stairs not like me too. Sad!” he exclaimed, expressing his current emotion by saying it plainly out loud like a normal person would. “It’s okay,” said Pence, “we’ll get those mean stair bullies, they’ll stop hurting you. Just keep it together, okay big guy?” Trump was found curled up in a ball, thumb in mouth in order to help calm himself down.