Special notice: you’re all the worst.

When I started writing this report weekly, I figured it would be safe for me to put forth my opinion humorously, that I wouldn’t be at danger of being tarred and feathered by a pack of angry hive-minded SJWs. The response to last week’s publication have proven me very wrong. Across campus I’ve heard people tearing down the report in all sorts of different ways because of a single article they disagreed with. (seriously, it must have been pretty popular to bash me because people were legit blatantly lying. I overheard someone claiming that “they knew the people I quoted in the STEAM article,” which is impossible as I made up those people, names and graduation years, completely) I knew that the emotions of people on this campus were extremely fragile, but I had zero idea just how so. But no, no, it totally makes sense to make some easily triggered SJWs’ feelings way more important than the principles of Freedom of Speech on which this nation was founded. So, before one of you finds out who I am and makes up some sort of fake-ass harassment charge against me, I’m calling it quits. I didn’t know that the life of a satire writer would be so dangerous, but on a campus where saying anything that disagrees with the hyperliberal status quo could get you ousted on a javelin, it truly is.

This isn’t the end of the report though. I made this hoping that some day Willamette students would be able to take a fucking joke, and I’m not going to let the project die here. Instead, I’ve invited the most try-hardish shit-talker against me to see just how easy it totally is running an entire satirical publication. He’s willing to write an entire publication that just makes fun of me, so it will be great to see him struggle through it as he fails to put his money where his mouth is and produces a shit-tastic excuse of a publication. (stupid enough that it’ll fall okay with the SJW standard) (and yes I’m talking about you Tristan. If you don’t want your name floating everywhere maybe don’t put it on the back of your lame-ass disses (: ) I’m sure I’ll find someone else who licks boots well enough to keep the publication alive without upsetting any of the hypersensitive feelings of the SJWs here on campus, but in the meantime I’m signing off. You’re all the worst.

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