STEAM has zero plans going forward

After acting “on behalf” of the entire student body and dramatically presenting their petition of demands that they  wrote up, it has been revealed that the Students for Transparency, Equity, and Accountability through Mobilization has no idea what to do after filing their grievances to the faculty and also pasting it everywhere across campus so … Continue reading STEAM has zero plans going forward

“What the fuck is this white shit?”

Students and faculty received a frantic phone call from the Willamette Emergency Alert System on the 27th. The familiar robotic voice that sends out a test at the start of every month sent out the following message to all members of the Willamette Community: “This is the Will-Am-It Emergency Alert System. What the fuck is … Continue reading “What the fuck is this white shit?”

“Go ahead, make your demands” says Stephen Thorsett while hovering over large red button that reads “Delete Department”

            After last Thursday’s petition town-hall meeting, President Thorsett, who notably was absent at the meeting, has taken sever intimidation measures. Most notably, he has made a special effort to his subsidiaries to make sure they know that he has this button with this power.             Our field reporter was too afraid to ask for … Continue reading “Go ahead, make your demands” says Stephen Thorsett while hovering over large red button that reads “Delete Department”

Salty bootlickers destroy copies of the Nutria Report

            It has been confirmed that our publications are being destroyed by salty bootlickers. “We’re afraid that after one week of publication we’re already up against an enemy who has no idea how to take a joke,” said Head Manager and Rightful Nutria Sovereign Orangetooth Carrot-Eater. When asked for further comment, Carrot-Eater was found occupied … Continue reading Salty bootlickers destroy copies of the Nutria Report

Woke AF posters in Ford remind students it’s racist to care for the environment

Have you ever felt good for composting, recycling, reducing your carbon emissions, and generally being a green citizen? Have you ever wondered why it is that you have to feel good for helping an important cause? Worry no more, as a new series of posters in Ford brings a new voice to the people who … Continue reading Woke AF posters in Ford remind students it’s racist to care for the environment